You are on Facebook scrolling through your timeline and noticed a “friend” is newly engaged. If you noticed the quotation marks around friend, then you’ll get where I am going in a moment. Imagine the joy and excitement they are feeling when sharing these pics with the world. You send your congratulations and rather than leave it at that, you write “don’t forget my invitation.” Why, I ask, why would you do this? You should really know better, but maybe you don’t. Please continue to read for more insight because if you thought about doing this or have done this, lift your dominant hand 6 inches from your face and slap yourself for being selfish.
While one may be wanting to express their interest in being included in couple’s big day, there are so many things wrong with adding this comment to the post. You put the newly engaged person in a very awkward position. They have been engaged for about 5 minutes. In that time period, they have not even thought about planning a wedding, let alone started a guest list. By replying to your comment, they have been forced to decide to lie or be truthful about the status of your non-existent invitation. If you are asking yourself why the invitation is non-existent, please reread this paragraph.
Let’s get to what needs to be said about your request. If you have to ask for an invitation, chances are you have been a shitty friend or family member and probably don’t deserve one. Instead of asking for an invitation, you should ask yourself whether you know the fiancé(e). Have you even met this person more than once? More importantly, has it been outside of holiday functions? If the answer is no, then why are you even asking for an invitation? You haven’t earned it. You may think posting this comment would trigger reminiscent memories of times you shared with this person, but it doesn’t. Social Media isn’t the forum to tack your selfish wants on their celebratory post.
Wedding invitations are not an entitlement to bestow upon you because they knew or know you. It is a privilege you earn based on very subjective selection criteria and being a social media friend isn’t one of them. These couples are paying money for their guests to share in this momentous occasion and the last thing they want are nosy ass guests running their mouths. As a planner, I have witnessed it firsthand. These guests, who undeservingly receive an invitation, are usually the first to complain or have an opinion about what they don’t like. It really just isn’t about you or your likes. This is their day and moment to shine!
It is poor taste and bad etiquette to ask for an invitation. Don’t ever do it. Instead, if you are interested in possibly obtaining an invitation, you should reach out to that person privately and state the obvious. It should go something like this: “Hey friend or family member! I want to congratulate you on your engagement. I know I have been a terrible friend or family member in recent years, but I would love to catch up with you. Would you be available to have lunch or grab some coffee?” Don’t make mention of an invitation request because, again, it is something you have to earn. You have to put in face time and you have to be there for this person. More importantly, even if you do put in the work, you have to be ok with not getting the invitation. At the end of it all, your goal should be making amends with someone you considered a friend. However, if your goal is to just be invited to the wedding, then don’t even bother contacting that person. Even though there is a chance it may work, it may end up doing more harm than good. Just. Don’t. Do. It.
The “It Needed to Be Said” is a blog series which explores real experiences and provides etiquette advice in a raw tone. It is not intended to offend anyone, but it is another platform to express what we’ve learned along the way.