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Chic Blog

Chic Blogging: What's new, trending, and going on with us!

Filtering by Category: Wedding Planning

It Needed to Be Said Series: Dear Bridal Party Member, YOU'RE FIRED!

Shavon Hunter

How do you break the news to someone that they were going to be a part of the wedding, but it is not going to work out?

I strongly believe honesty is the best policy when it comes to communicating details about your wedding to your [potential] bridal party participants. Depending on the scenario in which you are informing this person about the change, the delivery may be different.

Let me start with this, if you have not asked this person to be a member of your bridal party, then there should not be an expectation on the other person’s part to be included in the wedding party. This goes back to my first blog about asking for the invite. You are not obligated to ask someone to be in your wedding because you were in his or hers and vice versa. As humans, we tend to believe there is this unwritten, unfounded rule you must adhere to about inviting someone to your wedding or asking someone to be in your wedding party, when there is not. It is whatever you and your fiancé(e) decide. This is not about them. Remember, it is your wedding day! With that said, I will run through a couple of scenarios that can help you through some situations.

Scenario 1, you and your fiancé(e) have four positions apiece and double the amount of friends you want included in your wedding party. I look at it as a draft pick. You have first round and so on. I recommend you ask your top four potential bridal party members and lay out the obligations and duties you expect from them. A real friend will tell you upfront, if they will not be able to meet the obligations and duties, you have expressed to them. If you are being asked and you cannot commit, do not feel bad. There may be some valid reasons you cannot commit to participating in the wedding. It is best to decline the offer and allow the bride or groom to be ask someone else to take your place.

Scenario 2, you have asked a person to participate in the bridal party and they are not living up to their obligations. I would first speak to the person before immediately removing them from the roster. At this point, your expectations should have been shared with them, so it should not be a shock to them when you ask what is going on. Maybe this is a temporary storm that will pass, in which case, you should be a friend and be patient with them. I know it is your day, but let’s be honest; the world does not revolve around you and this wedding. Show some compassion because they are still one of your homies. Fast forward, a few weeks or months and the situation has not improved. Then you need to be direct and forward. It is like ripping off a Band-Aid. You should have a heart-to-heart or a come to Jesus meeting with this person. Express there is not any love lost; however, you need to relieve them of their bridal party obligations. This is an opportunity where you can either assign them other duties, like a host, or just have them share in your momentous occasion as a guest. On the opposite side, if you were asked and cannot meet the obligations, rather than continue to slack, you should be the one to say to your friend that you cannot meet the obligation. It is ok to do so, as long as you mean well.

Through all of this, communication should work in both directions. Whether you are asking or being asked, you should be honest and truthful with one another. They are still someone you love and want to share in your momentous occasion. It should not matter if they are standing at the altar or watching from the pew, as long as they are there.

The “It Needed to Be Said” is a blog series which explores real experiences and provides etiquette advice in a raw tone. It is not intended to offend anyone, but it is another platform to express what we’ve learned along the way.

It Needed to Be Said Series: Your FB Friend is Newly Engaged...

Shavon Hunter

You are on Facebook scrolling through your timeline and noticed a “friend” is newly engaged. If you noticed the quotation marks around friend, then you’ll get where I am going in a moment. Imagine the joy and excitement they are feeling when sharing these pics with the world. You send your congratulations and rather than leave it at that, you write “don’t forget my invitation.” Why, I ask, why would you do this? You should really know better, but maybe you don’t. Please continue to read for more insight because if you thought about doing this or have done this, lift your dominant hand 6 inches from your face and slap yourself for being selfish.

While one may be wanting to express their interest in being included in couple’s big day, there are so many things wrong with adding this comment to the post. You put the newly engaged person in a very awkward position. They have been engaged for about 5 minutes. In that time period, they have not even thought about planning a wedding, let alone started a guest list. By replying to your comment, they have been forced to decide to lie or be truthful about the status of your non-existent invitation. If you are asking yourself why the invitation is non-existent, please reread this paragraph.

Let’s get to what needs to be said about your request. If you have to ask for an invitation, chances are you have been a shitty friend or family member and probably don’t deserve one. Instead of asking for an invitation, you should ask yourself whether you know the fiancé(e). Have you even met this person more than once? More importantly, has it been outside of holiday functions? If the answer is no, then why are you even asking for an invitation? You haven’t earned it. You may think posting this comment would trigger reminiscent memories of times you shared with this person, but it doesn’t. Social Media isn’t the forum to tack your selfish wants on their celebratory post.

Wedding invitations are not an entitlement to bestow upon you because they knew or know you. It is a privilege you earn based on very subjective selection criteria and being a social media friend isn’t one of them. These couples are paying money for their guests to share in this momentous occasion and the last thing they want are nosy ass guests running their mouths. As a planner, I have witnessed it firsthand. These guests, who undeservingly receive an invitation, are usually the first to complain or have an opinion about what they don’t like. It really just isn’t about you or your likes. This is their day and moment to shine!

It is poor taste and bad etiquette to ask for an invitation. Don’t ever do it. Instead, if you are interested in possibly obtaining an invitation, you should reach out to that person privately and state the obvious. It should go something like this: “Hey friend or family member! I want to congratulate you on your engagement. I know I have been a terrible friend or family member in recent years, but I would love to catch up with you. Would you be available to have lunch or grab some coffee?” Don’t make mention of an invitation request because, again, it is something you have to earn. You have to put in face time and you have to be there for this person. More importantly, even if you do put in the work, you have to be ok with not getting the invitation. At the end of it all, your goal should be making amends with someone you considered a friend. However, if your goal is to just be invited to the wedding, then don’t even bother contacting that person. Even though there is a chance it may work, it may end up doing more harm than good. Just. Don’t. Do. It.

The “It Needed to Be Said” is a blog series which explores real experiences and provides etiquette advice in a raw tone. It is not intended to offend anyone, but it is another platform to express what we’ve learned along the way.

You are cordially invited to TRIM the guest list! | The Wedding Planner Chronicles

Shavon Hunter

Your guest list's way too high, you need to cut it!

Read More

YAY, you're engaged! Now what? | The Wedding Planner Chronicles

Shavon Hunter

Your partner liked it so much that he/she put a ring on it, Congratulations! This means you're engaged, so now what? As the newness of the engagement starts to wear off you'll find yourself wondering what the heck you're supposed to do next. I got engaged at the end of January so as a Bride-to-be I know what you're feeling. However since I'm an event and industry professional, I also know the ins and outs of planning a wedding. 

Set a Date!
First thing's first, pick a date! Have a conversation with your fiancé/fiancée about when the pair of you would like to get married (i.e., year and season). At first me and my fiancé Tim, had no idea what we wanted our wedding day to be but we knew 2017 was our year. And then we started to narrow it down by eliminating the hot and cold months out of the year, so there went May-July and November-February. Tim said he didn't want us to wed in either one of our birthday months which meant August and September were out too.  March would only give us a little over a year; April is too unpredictable because of the rain so that left us with October. With that said, we're planning a beautiful Indian summer/early fall wedding in Atlanta. 

Choose a Wedding Venue
Now that you've narrowed down the month and year (or possibly a specific date) your nuptials will take place, you're ready for the next phase in the process! Wedding planning can only truly begin when your ceremony/reception venue has been secured. When you begin the process of touring venues, it's important that you be flexible with the date. It's possible the venue you want may not be available for the date you have in mind. Finalizing the location for your big day means that you have a firm date. 

We'd love to help you on your special journey, so contact us today to schedule your complimentary consultation.